Hi guys! How are you? It was a hard week for my fam. On Tuesday, we had to put my family’s dog, Callie, down to rest. She was a 12-year-old cocker spaniel/King Charles cavalier mix. She was the sweetest little thing and such an important part of our family. For those that know me, you know Callie was incredibly special to me. We grew up together and she was my best friend. She got me through anxiety, loss and was there for so many of my happiest moments. I wanted to put together a post about her sweet life. I very much process and heal through writing, so I thought this would be cathartic for me, and maybe interesting for you 🤷♀️ Not trying to be dramatic here, just letting some thoughts out and want this to look back on ♡
The beginning
In middle school, I was obsessed with getting a puppy, but my mom wasn’t into the idea. I remember I made a PowerPoint in our computer room laying out the reasons we should get a dog and how I would help. This was during the days when we each had a turn on the computer, and I spent my turn crafting this presentation. Our family friend was rescuing a puppy and sent my mom a link to one of the puppies on the website she thought we would love. (If you’re reading this, thank you!!!) Her name was Skye, and luckily for me, we all instantly fell in love. This was the photo on the website:
My mom and I drove up to upstate New York together to pick her up from the rescue called Little Forgotten Friends. We arrived, knocked on the door, and said we were there for Skye. Tiny little Skye, soon to be Callie, happened to be standing right at the woman’s feet who opened the door. She was the only caramel colored cocker in a sea of white Bichons. We sat on the porch as we got acclimated a bit. I’ll never forget how tiny and gentle she was. Finally, we got in the car to bring her home. I sat in the back seat with her and a blanket. She sat right on my lap, but was so nervous. Soon, she fell asleep, and I was so emotional to actually have a puppy that was ours. My sister Erin came up with the name Callie, and it seemed so fitting for her.
Once home with her, we were obsessed. She had the sweetest and most playful, yet bashful personality. She was the perfect addition to our quiet home of all girls, and we so often said she thought she was a human. It was a learning curve for all of us ladies figuring out how to train her. We weren’t really successful LOL. It didn’t take long for us to ditch the crate and let her sleep in my mom’s bed. I have so many core memories of her in my childhood home as she navigated puppy life and her new family. When she was really little, she slept most of the day, and as soon as we were on the couch for the night, she would tug on our blankets for us to play with her. We called this mood “ramie” aka rambunctious. She was pretty mischievous up until the end, and I’m sure some of you remember her eating gum in our purses or chewing some of your shoes (so sorry, iykyk). Here she is on her second day at home:
The milestones
It was such a special time in our lives to have a puppy, as we all grew up alongside her. Callie was there when we said goodbye to our childhood home to move to a condo in town. She was there as I adjusted to a new blended family and we all figured out what that was going to look like. She was the first thing my stepsister and I bonded over (besides Taylor Swift) and quickly saw my stepdad as her protector.
Callie gave the cuddles I needed whenever my anxiety took over. She greeted me after I cried dropping my sisters at college and kept my mom and me company for the years I was the only kid at home. I like to think Callie loved the extra attention then lol. She was there for my proms pics, my first heartbreaks, my college acceptances, and was at the door with her long tail wagging every day after school.
My mom and Callie were the hardest goodbyes before college, but were the best parts of coming home from my school breaks. During this time, through tragedy, she offered me calming support after deaths in the family and throughout my grieving processes.
When I moved home post-grad, she was my bestie on the Cape when all of my friends were closer to the city. During my offseason rental in the cozy Chatham cottage, I was struggling for a while, and my mom snuck Callie over for a night. She truly lifted me back up. Here she is during that stay:
The end
This September, I moved out into my first apartment in Boston. I knew Callie was getting older, and our goodbye was tough, but I thought she had a couple years left. Since then, my mom updated me here and there that she seemed to be declining. The past month or so, Callie lost most of her eyesight and some of her systems seemed to be slowing down. The worst part was her confusion, and she clearly didn’t feel like herself. Two weeks ago, my mom invited me home for a few days so I could be with Callie and see how she was. To me, it was so sudden, and I knew she wasn’t the same. It was heartbreaking.
Early Monday morning, my mom called me in tears that it was time. I never hear my mom emotional like that. My heart sunk. My poor mom and Dale had to watch her and make this decision that it was time to do what was best for her. Erin and I took a bus home that day to spend one last night with her. It felt like I’d never cried so much seeing our little puppy and knowing it was her last moments. She actually laid on the couch next to me for a while that night, something she wasn’t doing often in her last days. Here are the moments of that night:
To be honest, I never understood how hard it was to put a dog down until I had one and went through it. Before we had Callie, when I heard of people having to put their dogs down, I knew it was so sad, but couldn’t grasp it. Even when we had Callie, I simply couldn’t imagine it. I still can’t put to words what it was like being there at the vet for that experience. It was heart wrenching and scary and I think we’ll remember it all too well when they said she was gone.
The moments/days after have been odd. You don’t realize how huge their presence is in the home until it’s quiet. Little things and reminders make me teary eyed. But I do believe she is in a peaceful place over the rainbow bridge (which we just learned about!). And it’s nice to think about the silly memories.
For those of you that have been through the loss of a pet, I’m so sorry! I feel for you. What a blessing they are in our lives, though. I wouldn’t trade those 12 years for anything. If you read all of this, thanks so much for being here. It means a lot! Cheers to little Callie and your fur babies, too.
Lots of love,
Brenna